Ep.34: 8 Things I Stopped Caring About and So Should You

Marc LaFleur shares the top eight things he's stopped caring about and how letting go has transformed his life. This episode explores personal growth, authenticity, patience, and the power of release.

Key Topics

• Letting go of control and the need for immediate results
• Authenticity and standing firm in core values
• The importance of patience and long-term growth

Transcript

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Welcome back to Hold On Tight episode 34. This week I am not teaching, I'm not giving you a system, I don't have a guest. I'm just gonna talk to you about the top eight things I've stopped caring about and how letting go of these things has changed my life more than anything that has I've added to it. Because everyone's focused on what to add. You know, like more discipline, more work, more effort. But sometimes the real shift comes from what you're willing to let go of. So let's jump into number one. Challenge leadership. I used to walk into certain rooms and you feel it. That little tightening in your chest. Say the right thing, don't screw this up, play safe. And you don't even realize it, but you're shrinking. And then over time, especially with experience, you start seeing behind the iron curtain. You realize they don't have it all figured out either. Some are great leaders, some aren't, some are really confident, and some are just really good at looking confident. And the shift for me was this I stopped putting people on a pedestal just because of their title. Respect? Yeah, absolutely. Fear? Fuck no. Because when you operate from fear, you hold back. When you operate from confidence, you contribute. And what I found when I made that shift was that my voice actually started to matter more. I wasn't just talking to talk. I was bringing ideas that made a difference. And I'll let you in on something most people don't realize. A lot of these leaders, your bosses you see every day, that you're intimidated by, are dealing with the same exact thoughts and insecurities that you are. Am I making the right call? Am I leading the team the right way? Am I one bad decision away from screwing this all up? But they do one thing, they carry it a little bit differently. And I don't care how alpha someone is, I don't care how much presence they have, I don't care how much BDE or high T energy they walk in with. The best leaders are always looking for better ideas, better perspective, better insight. And yeah, some of them might even take your idea, run with it, steal it, call it their own. I've had a couple of those. But good. That means you were right. So my advice stop playing small in rooms you've earned your way into. Say the thing, challenge the room, bring the idea. Because new leaders don't get appointed, they emerge. And they emerge the moment you stop shrinking. Number two, saying what people want to hear. I know this might be hard because we all try to fit in in situations, but this one is really subtle, but it's dangerous. Because it doesn't feel like you're doing really anything wrong, right? And there's no crime being had here. You're just adjusting a little bit, softening a little, filtering a little. But over time you start losing your edge. You start becoming a version of yourself that's easier to digest but less real. And that's where it started to bother me a little bit. Because I love authenticity. Authenticity is something I really value a lot. Not the Instagram version of authenticity. I'm talking about actually saying what you believe, standing on it, and being okay if it doesn't land perfectly. I'd rather be real and misunderstood than like for something that isn't actually me. And this doesn't mean you don't adapt to situations and adjust accordingly. We all need to be chameleons in life at times. But authenticity is about your core values, your principles, your beliefs, your passions, your love, your ideas. And here's what I've learned. People might like that watered down version of you, but they don't respect it the same way. Because people can feel it. They can feel when you're holding back, when you're trying to say the right thing instead of the true thing. You know, I remember being in college a few decades ago, and Kid Rock had come out with the one of his CDs, and then I purchased it. And I'm really dating myself here, so follow along. And inside the album cover, and I never forgot this, all the CD cover in this case, there was a quote from him, and the quote said, If it looks good, you'll see it. If it sounds good, you'll hear it. If it's marketed right, you'll buy it. But if it's real, you'll feel it. So now I ask myself, am I saying this because it's true or because it will land well? I choose truth more often now because once you start trading authenticity for approval, you slowly start to lose yourself. Number three, over-explaining myself. This one I think a lot of people struggle with. And I don't think it's a quality that ever really goes away in us. You make a decision, and almost immediately you feel like you owe an explanation, right? I think we've all been there. Well, why? Well, you want people to understand, you want to avoid judgment, you want to be seen a certain way, you want to control how you're perceived. So what do you do? You start adding context, you start justifying, you start building this whole case like you're a lawyer for what you did. And sometimes you're explaining things that don't even need to be fucking explained. But the reality is not everyone is in your position. Not everyone sees what you see, not everyone has the same priorities, not everyone has the same information. So even if you explain it perfectly, they still might not get it. And that used to frustrate me. And but then I realized something. I was spending a lot of energy trying to get approval from people who are never going to give it, anyways. No matter how I explained it, no matter how clean I made it sound, they'd already decided how they felt. And that's when it changed for me. Because I started asking, why am I working this hard to be understood by people who aren't even trying to understand me? Now, I make decisions and I stand behind them. If you get it, great. If you don't, that's okay too. I still love you. Because confidence isn't being able to explain yourself perfectly, it's being okay when you don't have to. You don't owe everyone a breakdown of your life. You owe yourself alignment. Number four, trying to fix everyone. Man, the work I've done on this over the last three years for myself. But here's the thing. You might know about this, about me, 34 episodes in now. I genuinely care about people. I see potential, I see what they could be, I see what they're capable of. I see the good in people because I really believe we're all born into this world good. And when you see that in someone, you want to help get them there. So what do you do? Well, I always showed up, I supported, I gave my time, my energy, my attention. I tried to guide them, I tried to help them to see what you know I saw that hopefully they could see. And in your mind, you think, you know, you're doing the right thing. And I've been in situations where I really believed in somebody. I saw everything they could be, I saw the upside, I saw the version of them that maybe they couldn't even see yet. And I showed up for that version every damn day. I supported it, I poured into it, I was patient with it, I loved it. But here's the truth I had to face. You can't want someone's growth more than they do. You can't care more than they can care. You can't push someone into becoming something they're not ready to become. Because when you try, you start pouring into someone who isn't pouring into themselves. And over time, that drains you. You get frustrated, you get confused. And if you're being really honest, you start to feel a little resentful. Like, why am I the one carrying all this? That was a big realization for me. Because I had to ask myself, am I helping or am I overstepping? Am I supporting or am I trying to control the outcome? Now, I still care. I still support. You know, I still show up because I don't carry people anymore. I don't try to pull someone forward who isn't walking on their own. Because real growth has to be chosen. It can't be forced, it can't be borrowed, and it definitely can't be carried by someone else. You can walk next to someone, but you can't walk for them. Number five, immediate results. We've been conditioned to expect things fast in this society. Results, progress, change, needs. You do something today, you want to see something tomorrow. This is really the Amazon Prime syndrome. You go online, you order it, it's at your doorstep within a couple hours, or it's at your doorstep the next day, right? It's an immediate result, immediate gratification. And if you don't, you start questioning everything. What the hell's going on here? Why aren't I seeing these results? For example, you go to the gym for a week, nothing changes, you get frustrated. You put in work at your job, no immediate recognition, you start doubting it. You're trying to grow, trying to heal, and it still doesn't feel different right away. And the question creeps in: is this even working? I've asked myself that question a lot. Because everything that actually mattered in my life has taken time to earn. Fitness, career growth, healing, wellness, love. It's taken longer than I wanted. Way longer. And there were plenty of moments where I thought, maybe this isn't it. Maybe I'm not making progress. Maybe I'm stuck. Maybe I'm wasting my time. But looking back now, those were the moments where everything was actually being built. Because real growth doesn't feel dramatic day to day. It's subtle, it's quiet, it's repetitive. It's showing up when nothing looks different and doing it anyway. The slow build it will makes it real. Quick results, they feel good. But they fade. Earn results, they stick. Because when something takes time, you build discipline, you build resistance, you build identity. And that's the part nobody can take from you. If it's taking longer than you want, that doesn't mean it's not working. It probably means it's real. Number six, being busy all the time. Oof, boy. This one hit me recently. Because for a long time I wore busy like a badge. If I was moving, producing, grinding, if I felt like I was doing something right, if I slowed down, I was falling behind. And if I'm being real, I built my identity around that. Work, travel, deals, constant movement, always doing something, always filling the calendar. And I told myself, that's what success looked like. But when you step back and ask, am I actually fulfilled or am I just occupied? Because those are two completely different things. And then it got real for me. What was I running from by staying busy? Why was it hard for me to just sit still? Why did taking time off feel uncomfortable? And I've seen this up close too, not just in myself. Some people stay busy because they have a lot going on. And some people stay busy just because they don't want to slow down long enough to feel what's underneath. Because the second things get quiet, that's when the thoughts hit, that's when the emotions show up. So it's easier just to keep moving. A lot of people live like that, without even realizing it. They call it productivity, but sometimes it's just avoidance. But at some point, life forces you to slow down. A family tragedy, you get laid off, health concerns, things that might blindside you on an idle afternoon. And when that happened for me, I started seeing things a lot clearer. Now I look at busy completely differently. Busy doesn't mean productive, busy doesn't mean successful, busy doesn't mean fulfilled. It can just mean you're really good at filling your time. Now, I value different things space, time, being present, having control of my time instead of my time controlling me. Because if your life is just constant motion, you never actually experience it. So now it's not about doing more, it's about doing what actually matters and being fully there when I do it. Because being busy can just look like progress, but sometimes it's just distraction. Number seven, people who don't reciprocate effort. And I want to structure this both in personal and in business because I think it's relevant for both. And here's what I mean. You feel it when it's off. You're the one reaching out, you're the one checking in, you're the one putting in the effort. And at first, you don't question it. You just tell yourself, it's fine, I'll just give it a little bit more time. And if I'm being honest, I'm wired that way. I care, I show up, I go all in. So my instinct isn't to pull back, it's to lean in harder. But here's the struggle, and I still struggle with this at times. Because part of you thinks if I just show up a little bit more, if I just give a little bit more, maybe it balances out. But I've got news for you, it doesn't. And this just isn't just in relationships, as I mentioned. This can show up in per in business as well. Clients, deals, internal teams, partnerships. You're the one pushing things forward, following up, driving momentum. And the other side, slow, passive, not matching your energy. But here's what I had to learn. You can't create urgency, you can't create care, you can't create effort on behalf of someone else. In business, just like in life, if it's not mutual, it's not sustainable. Because over time, that imbalance starts to wear on you. Personally, it drains you. Professionally, it wastes your time. And time is the one thing you don't get back. So now I pay attention to energy. Not just words, not just interest, but energy. Are they meeting me or my team halfway? Are they showing up too? If it's mutual, I'm all in. I'll put all my cards, chips, money on the table. If it's not, I don't force it. That doesn't mean I don't care. It means I'm not going to overextend myself to carry something that requires two sides. Because the right people in life and in business don't require you to constantly prove your value. But I'm a lot quicker now to recognize when it's when it's aligned and when it's not. Because efforts should feel neutral, natural, not negotiated. Number eight. Things I can't control. This is the one that ties everything together. Other people's actions, their timing, their opinions. And if I'm being honest, this one didn't come easy for me. Because I'm someone who likes control, but is not controlling if that makes sense. So let allow me to explain. In business, I want to drive outcomes. In life, I want to understand things. I want to make sense of them. I want to connect the dots, figure out the why, fix what feels off. And that shows up everywhere. In work, trying to control deals, timelines, decisions that aren't fully mine. In life, trying to understand why something happened, why someone acted the way they did, why something didn't go the way I thought it would. And you can go down the path for hours, days, weeks, months, replaying it, analyzing it, trying to solve something that you don't actually control. But here's what I had to accept. You don't get closure on everything, you don't get answers on everything, and you don't get control over how other people move. And that's uncomfortable. Because part of you wants to hold on, figure it out, make it make sense. But all that energy, it doesn't move your life forward. And at some point, I had to be honest with myself. Am I trying to move forward or am I just stuck trying to understand something that's already over, already done, already out of my control? So I stopped trying to control it. Not overnight, not perfectly, but intentionally. And I took that energy and I put it back where it belongs. My actions, my mindset, my direction. What I do next, how I show up, where I'm going. Because the more energy you spend on what you can't control, the less you have for what you actually can. And that shift change, that one change, that's where you start to feel your power come back. Because control isn't about everything around you, it's about what you do next. As we wrap up this episode, I want to end with this. I'm a curious analytical guy. I like things I can see, measure, and actually wrap my head around. I'm not great with big abstract ideas unless I can connect them to something real. And when I think about letting go, I think about the first time you take your hands off the handlebars on a bike. There's that moment where you're like, oh fuck, I'm doing this. And it's a little uncomfortable, a little unstable. But you're trusting it. Or honestly, it's like grabbing a hot pan and realizing the oven myths got a hole in it. You don't think about it. You just let go really quick. But that kind of letting go is physical. The kind we're talking about, that's a choice. And that's where it gets hard because sometimes your head knows what to do, but your heart's not there yet. To me, letting go is deciding you're done carrying something that's not helping you anymore. It's letting go of the overthinking, the need for answers, the need to control how something plays out. It's saying, I don't have control over this, so I'm not going to let it control me anymore. It doesn't mean you don't care, and it doesn't mean it didn't matter. It just means you're choosing to put energy somewhere better. Because every minute you spend replaying something you can't change is a minute you're not moving forward. And when you let go, you create space, space in your head, space in your life, space for something new. Because if your hands are fully holding on to what already happened, you've got nothing left for what's coming next. Letting go isn't about pretending it didn't matter. It sure as hell did. It's about deciding it doesn't control you anymore. I've learned how to do it, and I'm still learning every day. But if you're holding on to something that's weighing you down, maybe it's time to let it go. So until next week, tell someone you love them, and let's fucking go.